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Reality just finally hit me... Its been more than 24 hours since the man of my dreams asked me to be his wife... and just now, the reality of saying, 'Yes' is crashing down... My heart is filled with love anew at the realization that I am actually getting married in 10 months. I'm getting married to God's choice. He found me when I wasn't looking for him and managed to steal my heart when I was guarding it the strongest. He most definitetly is the One for me...
Thinking back on the short and beautiful 6 1/2 months we've spent discovering each other, even in that short time we've seen highs and lows, tears and laughter, pain and peace, illness and healing. We've shared life, in a limited kind of way, but we've shared it none the less... and now just Imagining all what our life's journey together will hold brings such a mysterious joyful peace I just can't describe...
It was like magic.
I honestly had no idea of anything, he was just coming over for dinner like he's done every week for the past 6 months... We sat down stairs and talked like we usually did on those nights. We had had a brief 'disagreement' earlier that afternoon but quickly resolved it, I was just so happy to be with him, almost relieved to just be in his presence. Like I'd been holding my breath for 3 days and was finally able to breath again...
I had told him earlier in the day I had made something, but wouldn't tell him what it was, that he would just have to see when get got there... so i pulled out a black notebook on which the cover read wedding book... josh & lindsey. I had no clue why he seemed to push creative organizational masterpiece aside but I just dismissed it and went on to the next topic... Also earlier in the day I said I would paint my nails, but he noticed I still hadn't done it. I can't really say made me do them but he insisted on 'holding me accountable to what I said I'd do." lol I'm glad he did though..
Not too long after this Mama came down stairs and said that Mrs. Lindy had called, asking to barrow our chairs and tables for a nursing get together at her house. Josh played it off well and thoroughly convinced me he didn't know his mom had an event planned and that he thought they were going to the mall to get Beka a bathing suit and then taking her out to eat... The Davis' arrived right at supper time and Josh greeted them with 'Y'all have a horrible sense of timing...' authentic as could be. While the guys loaded the truck, the girls small talked in the kitchen and then Mama suggested they all stay over for dinner. I thought nothing of it, just excited that we would all get to eat together again, for this had only happen once since the begging of our courtship back in January.
Soon enough we all sat down to my favorite meal; Spaghetti with Sausage, Fresh Tossed Salad, Italian Bread with dipping Sauce and Sweet Tea :) Talk at the table was casual and normal, for the life of me I would never have sensed the anticipation in the air, all except Kacey and Jacob knew what was going on and all were holding in little lies and loads of excited emotion. Towards the end of the meal, Josh said to me, 'I brought the scrapbook for us to look at tonight, but I kinda forgot about it its in the car, I'll go get it when we're done.'
'That sounds wonderful!' I said, so very naively...
We sat in the living room in our normal TV spot and began to go through the book together, we read all the things I'd written in it, included all the little love notes I'd written to my 'Future Husband' long before Josh and I began courting. Every now and then he'd ask me a question about this or point out something about that... we started to get towards the end of the book and Josh started 'not feeling well...' He repositioned several times and let out some big coughs...
Daddy came in and started playing 'One In A Million' by Run Kid Run, and I thought well, I guess he wants some background music while we're all hanging out... I look over and nudge Josh as if to say hey! that's my song he's playing! what are the chances of that song to come up first?! Next I saw the video camera, awe.. Daddy must be wanting some home video footage of Josh and I :D ...still so totally clueless... Then looking over at Josh, I could see he was beaming from ear to ear... he had turned to the last page..
On it was Tuesday's date, all decorated with pretty paper and ribbons. Finally it clicked.
here it comes...
He started to move slowly from his seat, everything fading around us. Slowly, very slowly, he took my hands and pulled me to my feet as he knelt down. Eyes locked, for there was nothing else to see... "You are the most beautiful thing God has ever given me, and I want to keep you forever...
So will you marry me?"
"Yes."
I didn't cry, which shocked me. As much as I wanted too, everything about the night was utterly perfect, right, and in time. It was expected and not expected. Excitement, happiness, love, joy all rush through me and flushed out all the discomforting things... I guess including tears...
But now my eyes brim with them. Joyful tears.
That God would bless a sinner like myself with such joy and love I do not understand. That He would give, and give His Best to me... A young man set on God's heart, set on His will, so incredibly gifted, creative and talented with a voice that touches me in the deepest places of my being... He made me for such nobility as this?
Once again...
I'm overwhelmed by His Love and Grace.
